If given the choice, I would not clone myself at all. You know what the world needs? The world needs more sunshine and rainbows. You know what the world does not need? More of me.
There’s already 60 lbs. more of me than 18 months ago, and now you’re asking me to double that? That catastrophic failure speaks more to my emotional state over the past year and a half than anything, and I’m still not quite sure how to fix it. But if you cloned me, would you really want to have to watch that happen twice? That would not only dangerously overload the floor of my condo, but also dangerously deplete the food supply in this local area. Soon, my fat ass would slowly waddle elsewhere in search of food, spreading like an enormous, slow locust that will eventually consume all.
Of course, if I did clone myself, I’d probably just end up jealous of the other clone. He’d go to work while I stayed home and worked on the novel, and he’s suddenly have this massive breakthrough at work that garnered him fame and fortune, leading him to a private island in the Bahamas that I’m not allowed to visit. Meanwhile, my “novel time” would have instead been consumed by pissing away the time listening to baseball and watching Netflix, so I’d end up destitute and desperate as the work money from my other half dried up. No, that would cause to many problems.
Maybe I could work in cooperation with my clone, but that poses other problems. I don’t think I’d like working with me. I think I’d drive me crazy, which would lead to resentment. And since I’d naturally live with my clone things would get really awkward, and eventually, I’d snap and throw the clone out of the window. Or would it have been the clone that threw me out of the window?
Lastly, there’s the significant risk of creating an evil clone. Evil me would be a lot like regular me, with the exception of being evil. But the good news is that he’d still be lazy, inconsistent, and socially inept, so the amount of evil he’d actually commit would be limited. But eventually, I’d be stuck in the middle of a battle between the NCFB (National Clone Enforcement Bureau) and my evil clone, in which they’re demanding it be terminated with extreme prejudice. And by “stuck in the middle,” I mean, “too busy lamenting decisions I made 10 years ago instead of paying attention to and bettering my current lot in life.”
So I think it’s pretty clear: A clone is a terrible idea.